In principle, most marketing can be reduced to fear mongering. If you don’t do this, buy that or use this product, something bad might happen. Your wedding pictures might come out wrong, your infant genius won’t get into Harvard, the cute girl will fall in love with someone else.
In case you’re wondering that pretty picture of the wonderful life you can have with this new brand of cigarette/laundry detergent/deodorant it is still fear – fear that without it, you life will be less than. But I digress.
I do want you to feel fear. Fear is the thing that stops people from doing stupid sh*t. The problem is that we’re inclined to do stupid shi*t. It is in our DNA. In Europe, they put graphic images of what happens to smokers on cigarette boxes. It doesn’t deter anyone (it just freaks non-smokers out, um… wrong audience dummies). This is because it is merely a warning to whoever is doing something they already know is stupid. Warnings aren’t scary. They are almost like a dare. They make us want to stupid shi*t even more.
BEFORE YOU
GET MARRIED: this is what you should be scared of:
– having to look your kid(s) in the eye and tell them mommy and daddy aren’t going
to be together anymore
– signing your name on a piece of paper that states in black and white that the
promise you made, until death do you part, is broken. You broke it. And now you
are going to pay for it.
– the dream that you had, the person you couldn’t live without, the time,
money, energy invested – it is all gone
– the beautiful wedding day that your parents are still paying off, it isn’t a
treasured memory, it is a reminder of the hell that followed
If you are married already and things are not going as well as you imagined, then my scary picture might no longer scare you. The only fear you are likely to feel is that you are going to spend the rest of your life tied to this person in some way (certainly if you have kids).
So.
Hopefully I have gotten my point across and you palms are feeling clammy.
If you are scared, then you might just stop doing stupid sh*t.
People always ask “how did it happen” and the response is always “one thing led to another”. There are two obvious conclusions. Firstly, don’t do the one thing. It leads to another. Secondly, and this goes for both of you, treasure your relationship. Figure out how to care for it, how to protect it, how to nurture it. That is actually the first thing that leads to the thing that led to another.
See that old couple still holding hands, ask them how they did it. Listen.
Speak to each other, enough with the mind reading. It is not working. If your partner is talking to you, listen.
The Irish say, only a fool learns from his own mistakes. Don’t be a fool. Learn from mine. Learn from Sarah. Learn from anyone you respect.
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